


Smoke And Mirrors

by ashesashesshackles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29784951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashesashesshackles/pseuds/ashesashesshackles
Summary: A chaotic drabble from the head of Bellatrix Lestrange.
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange & Andromeda Black Tonks, Sirius Black & Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Kudos: 4





	Smoke And Mirrors

He would call her Bella with mocking lilt, an imitation of her mother's call. He would duck when she aims a blow for his head. "Bellatrix!  _ You _ don't get to call me Bella!"

He would dance out of her reach with her wand in his hand, "When do I get one of these,Bella?"

"Give it back, you oaf! _ "  _ She would snarl, running after him.

"So you can do what _?" _ Sirius would call, as if he doubted she could hurt him. "Beat me with it? _Hex_ me? _ " _

"I wish! But Reggie and your Mummy love you too much!" Bellatrix would laugh, anger laced in her mocking, catching up with him and twisting his arm.

"Stop it!" he would cry suddenly as if he was in pain. And that felt so satisfying to her. "You can have your wand,  **stop** it!"

Bellatrix would release him abruptly, stepping back as if she didn't know what she had done. He would look up at her imposing figure, in an impotent fury that could only be seen in a child. And then he would leave the room quietly.

She loved him, and she _hated_ him, and she didn't know which one she felt stronger.

"Higher Bella! _ " _ he would say, barely seven and climbing the tallest tree in the gardens of their Manor. She would trip over her long skirt, elbows bearing scratches and he would laugh at the sight as Cissy, standing underneath the tree with Meda, says "He is trying to get a rise out of you Bella! Don't get that dress dirty! Mother would be-"

" _ You _ can have it then!" Bellatrix would snarl, incensed.

_ " _ What is the matter, Bella _?" _ Sirius' voice would be taunting, from high, high above. Oh how she would like to slap the hell out of him once she reaches him! "Are you afraid your Mummy will see you?"

_ " _ It's the bloody skirt!" she would complain loudly while watching her feet as she climbed. "I keep tripping over them!"

Sirius would be sitting down on the highest branch of the tree, so unreachable, smiling. " _ That _ is your excuse? You can do better than that, can't you? _ " _

And now, she is sitting in her cell, scratching the floor of her cell with vague drawings of the Dark Arts, spells, magic she had learned from the Dark Lord, tasting a regret that she hadn't felt in a long time. _Meda, where have you gone?_ Like patchwork, her guilt clenched together in one ball, her memories visiting her like a lucid dream. _Meda, what did I do?_ If she were free, she could throw it away and watch it implode but she is not. _Meda, you are me. I will never let you leave_. She is sitting in her cell, her guilt ridiculously close to her as if she wouldn't recognize herself without it. _Meda. Sirius._

Her guilt is the first thing she'll cast away when she is free from the confines of the cell. 

And now, she is standing at the edge of the island with her husband, her fingers twisting with his own wasted ones, sea spraying into their faces, standing with all others who had escaped, those who were faithful to Him.

And she laughed, no longer seeing Meda, Sirius, Regulus, but seeing Frank Longbottom clutch at her husband's feet and sob for his wife while she tortured the woman who dared to tell her the Dark Lord was finished. She could hear herself screaming as she tortured the woman, "You dirty muggle loving liar! The Dark Lord will rise again! The Dark Lord will rise again!". Now, she tasted victory, just a few moments away from meeting the Dark Lord who orchestrated the escape. How long had she waited for him! How long was she infested with doubts Azkaban managed to put in her head! No more, no more. No more Meda, no more Sirius.

She cast everything away.

_ Now _ she is dueling Sirius and she remembers her ball of regrets and that suffuses her hatred of him. Yet, she is feeling a strange kinship when he is taunting her. He was laughing at her, as if the chasm and differences of the years, the acrid smell of burning of his name on the tapestry didn't exist but there was madness, a madness that ties them both. He was dodging her curses, as if it was a mere sport. "You can do better than that!"

_ Higher, Bella! _

She finally caught up with him, her spell flew straight into his chest, but the impudence, the laughter in his face is still there and she could only take little joy in the slight shock and fear. There is very little victory when there is such little fear and shock. 

There was very little victory because Sirius never fell to his knees in submission,maybe she would know then, if he had fallen to his knees and begged for his life whether she loved him or hated him.

He falls back into the veil in a graceful arch and she is standing in shock as if he had fallen out of the tree in their Manor's grounds, but no no, it was  _ she _ who fell, and fell while he was laughing, she who ran after him when he dared to take her wand, it was  _ he _ who hated her first. _It was you, you did this._

She gave a scream of triumph and despair, throwing her arms in the air as if it was a mere sport, and the voice at the back of her head that was shrieking  _ you killed sirius, you killed sirius ! _ stopped and another voice spoke,  _ filthy blood traitor got what he deserved. _

Her feelings settled into a cold calm. If ridding the world of Sirius after he had shamed the family made her hate herself, even for a  _ moment _ , she dreaded to think what she would do in front of Meda.

No, she would not fail the Dark Lord this way for the  **traitor** . Not when there was one more traitor alive, Meda, the biggest traitor she has known, Meda whose betrayal was so unspeakable... 

She would beg for forgiveness at The Dark Lord's feet, not only for their failures tonight but also for Sirius.


End file.
